What's Wrong with Me

Through this book James W. Sire did something that nobody has been able to do for a very long time:  Help me figure out what is wrong with me.  Yes, it is simplistic and a bit self-deprecating to describe it this way.  But I've often wondered "What is wrong with me and why do I think the way I do?" Maybe some of the author's words will help shed light on what I mean:  "Thinking feels. Sometimes when I am reading -- and thinking while reading -- my mind becomes so hot, so affected by the implications of the ideas, that I stop to cool off." (10)  At one point the author likens the act of being excited by ideas to the thrill some people feel while cheering on their favorite sports teams.  Yes!  This excitement about ideas is what I feel!  It was encouraging to hear that I am in good company.

According to John Henry Newman, "An intellectual is one who loves ideas, is dedicated to clarifying them, developing them, turning them over and over, seeing their implications, stacking them atop one another, arranging them, sitting silent while new ideas pop up and old ones seem to rearrange themselves, playing with them, punning with their terminology, laughing at them, watching them clash, picking up the pieces, starting over, judging them, withholding judgment about them, changing them, bringing them into contact with their counterparts in other systems of thought, inviting them to dine and have a ball but also suiting them for service in workaday life." (27-28)

While this book helped me recognize my intellectual strengths and gifts, it also challenged me to check my attitudes.  I have always felt drawn to the academic life, but I admit that my motives have been very confused.  My desire to one day pursue a doctorate might be prompted by a combination of things: pride, proving that I can do it, being "as good as" some other I look up to, having a title that demands respect.  Sire's book made me think much more seriously about living a life of integrity as an intellectual.  And "integrity" is key here.  I think of it in the sense of living as an integrated whole.  It is not the academic life vs. the spiritual.  The intellectual pursuits should be a natural extension of a life lived to the glory of God.  There is also great responsibility that comes with the pursuit of truth:  "Truth and spirituality are of a piece: to know the truth is to do it.  There is no dichotomy between the two.  To be spiritual is to know/do the truth." (11)  In this postmodern age when many believe that truth can be constructed, Sire's words were a good reminder that we as Christians understand all true truth to be God's truth.  And its pursuit should lie at the heart of all we are and do.

Another idea that resonated with me:  "The primary task of the perfected intellect is to bring order to knowledge." (65) I find myself constantly seeking to organize thoughts and find patterns.  I get excited by pulling together ideas that hitherto seemed to have little to do with one another, yet somehow they "fit" and give me a better perspective on the world and my place in it.

There are so many more things I could say about this book, but I will conclude by saying I was delighted to find such a competent author addressing this issue!